Mark, where to start...
Mark is a character in the Five Girls who we've decided to make a series about (kudos to him!!).
Mark was Mr. Wint's college roommate and has always been weirder than weird. It's hard to explain. Shortly after the first story, the Wints find out that he works cleaning the bathrooms at the airport.
Mark was Mr. Wint's college roommate and has always been weirder than weird. It's hard to explain. Shortly after the first story, the Wints find out that he works cleaning the bathrooms at the airport.
Mark Story #1: The Airport
By: Hope Samoa
Mr. Wint: Hi Mark!
Mark: Hey duuude! Let's do our secret handshake: Un, Blah, Oogly Oil!
Mr. Wint: Mark, we never had a secret handshake!
Mark: Oh, I know. I just saw you doing that in your sleep!
Mr. Wint: You mean when we were roommates? You remember that?
Mark: No, the other night! I like to look through your windows when you're asleep.
Claire: (punches Grace in the arm) See, I told you I saw someone dressed in black looking in our windows!
Mr. Wint: Mark, you still work at the airport, right?
Mark: Yeah duuuude! Do you need plane tickets?
Mr. Wint: Yes, to northern California.
Mark: Oh I can totally do that, duuuuuude!
Mr. Wint: Mark, why are you doing that?!
Mark: I know that I don't know!!!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Wint: Soooo.... About the tickets...
Mark: Yeah, I can do that.
Mr. Wint: Wow, thanks Mark! I don't know why I haven't friended you on Facebook yet.
Mark: Wanna trade socks?
Mr. Wint: Oh, wait, now I remember.
This is a V.V.A.P. A very, very, awkward page!
Here is some more Mark stuff! Read away!
Mark Story #2: Mark Goes Apple Picking
By: Robin Zimbabwe
SCENE I
Employee 1: Welcome to Plant Village!
Mark: This is Plant Village? I was looking for a pottery studio!
Employee 1: Well, do you want directions to a pottery studio?
Mark: Uh, no. Why do you ask?
Employee 1: You just said-
Mark: That I like licking denim? Yep, that's true.
Employee 1: Did you say DENIM?
Mark: Of course so!
Employee 1: Why don't you go apple picking?
Mark: Hmmm... Ok.
Employee 1: Yes! You're leaving!!! Uh, I mean, have a good day!
Mark: You too, Johnny!
Employee 1: How do you know my name?
Mark: A little bird told me! He was a cardinal called George!
Employee 1: AAAAAhHHH!!!!
Mark: Bye! See you soon!
SCENE 2
Mark: Is there a place where you check into apple picking?
Employee 2: Right here!
Mark: Can you help me find a kind of apple?
Employee 2: Sure, whatcha looking for? There's Macintosh, Granny Smith, Golden Delicious-
Mark: Do you have the kind with worms in it? Preferably brown?
Employee 2: Haha! That's so funny! Sure! Look on the ground!
Mark: Thank you! You are very helpful today!
Employee 2: You were serious?
Mark: You were joking?
Employee 2: Just grab a bag and go away, man!
Mark: Sounds good to Mark! That's me, by the way.
Employee 2: AAAAAH! HELP!!!!
Mark: (loud sigh) I just love scaring innocent pedestrians!
SCENE 3:
Cautious Mom: No, Rebecca! We DO NOT eat yucky ground apples!
Rebecca: Why not, Mommy?
Mark: Because not everybody can handle the awesome powers they give you!
Rebecca: Huh?
Cautious Mom: Huh?
Mark: Obviously, if you eat apples that have fallen on the ground, you turn into a superhero!
Cautious Mom: Rebecca, let's go-
Mark: Wait! Wait!
Rebecca: What?
Mark: Ground apples with leaves and a stem still attached are really trees!
Rebecca: Really?!
Mark: Yep. I've eaten a tree before and now I'm Tiny Tree Man!
Rebecca: (takes bite out of a "tree") Yummy! Now I'm Bitty Bark Biter! But...
Mark: Yes, Bitty Bark Biter?
Rebecca: What are those brown, squiggly things crawling out from the tree?
Mark: Ooh! Bugs! Extra protein! Those are my favorite kinds!
Cautious Mom: REBECCA!!!! What did I tell you?! Get away from him now!!!!
Rebecca: Aww!!!!
Mark: Don't worry, I know where you live! I can break in through the doggy door!
Rebecca: (Being dragged away by Cautious Mom) Bye! See you later!
Employee 1: Welcome to Plant Village!
Mark: This is Plant Village? I was looking for a pottery studio!
Employee 1: Well, do you want directions to a pottery studio?
Mark: Uh, no. Why do you ask?
Employee 1: You just said-
Mark: That I like licking denim? Yep, that's true.
Employee 1: Did you say DENIM?
Mark: Of course so!
Employee 1: Why don't you go apple picking?
Mark: Hmmm... Ok.
Employee 1: Yes! You're leaving!!! Uh, I mean, have a good day!
Mark: You too, Johnny!
Employee 1: How do you know my name?
Mark: A little bird told me! He was a cardinal called George!
Employee 1: AAAAAhHHH!!!!
Mark: Bye! See you soon!
SCENE 2
Mark: Is there a place where you check into apple picking?
Employee 2: Right here!
Mark: Can you help me find a kind of apple?
Employee 2: Sure, whatcha looking for? There's Macintosh, Granny Smith, Golden Delicious-
Mark: Do you have the kind with worms in it? Preferably brown?
Employee 2: Haha! That's so funny! Sure! Look on the ground!
Mark: Thank you! You are very helpful today!
Employee 2: You were serious?
Mark: You were joking?
Employee 2: Just grab a bag and go away, man!
Mark: Sounds good to Mark! That's me, by the way.
Employee 2: AAAAAH! HELP!!!!
Mark: (loud sigh) I just love scaring innocent pedestrians!
SCENE 3:
Cautious Mom: No, Rebecca! We DO NOT eat yucky ground apples!
Rebecca: Why not, Mommy?
Mark: Because not everybody can handle the awesome powers they give you!
Rebecca: Huh?
Cautious Mom: Huh?
Mark: Obviously, if you eat apples that have fallen on the ground, you turn into a superhero!
Cautious Mom: Rebecca, let's go-
Mark: Wait! Wait!
Rebecca: What?
Mark: Ground apples with leaves and a stem still attached are really trees!
Rebecca: Really?!
Mark: Yep. I've eaten a tree before and now I'm Tiny Tree Man!
Rebecca: (takes bite out of a "tree") Yummy! Now I'm Bitty Bark Biter! But...
Mark: Yes, Bitty Bark Biter?
Rebecca: What are those brown, squiggly things crawling out from the tree?
Mark: Ooh! Bugs! Extra protein! Those are my favorite kinds!
Cautious Mom: REBECCA!!!! What did I tell you?! Get away from him now!!!!
Rebecca: Aww!!!!
Mark: Don't worry, I know where you live! I can break in through the doggy door!
Rebecca: (Being dragged away by Cautious Mom) Bye! See you later!
Mark Story #3: The Sandwich
By: Iris Balcony
Mr. Wint: Mark, what are you doing?
Mark: Well, I'm making a sandwich. It has fluff, marmite, and well... that other thing.
Mark: Well, I'm making a sandwich. It has fluff, marmite, and well... that other thing.
Mark Story #4: Fabulous Cows
by Hope Samoa
SCENE 1- THE WINTS' HOUSE
(Phone rings)
Nina: Hello?
Caller: Hello. May I talk to Mr. Concord Wint?
Nina: No. (hangs up)
(Mr. Wint's cell phone rings)
Mr. Wint: Hello?
Caller: Mr. Concord Wint?
Mr. Wint: Yes, this is Concord?
Caller: This is the Peterborough Police Department. We are calling concerning the welfare of Mark Demento. He claims to be a friend of yours.
Mr. Wint: Yes, I am a witness. Wait- that's what you were calling about, right?
Caller: Actually, we would think it's best for you to check in on Mark about once a week, to make sure he doesn't cause any damage to himself or anything else.
Mr. Wint: OK. I'm fine with that.
Caller: Thank you. Oh, and make sure he's not sneaking into anyone's houses. We just got a report from a mother who thinks that he's crawling through their doggy door at night to eat rotten apples with her daughter.
SCENE 2- MARK'S HOUSE
Mr. Wint knocks on door.
Mark: Oh good, you're here. You were running a little late.
Mr. Wint: How do know?
Mark: Well, you see, one of the phones in my house is connected to your line, and one is connected to mine. So now I can listen to your phone conversations! HAHAHAHAHA! Did you know Grace's friend is having trouble with her boyfriend?
Mr. Wint: OK, that's creepy.
Mark: Want something to eat? Or drink? Or something that's both?
Mr. Wint: Both?
Mark: It's genius!!!!!
Mr. Wint: Well, what is it?
Mark: It's... CONDENSED MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dumps a can of condensed milk on his head)
Mr. Wint: I'm good, thanks.
Mark: Aww....
Mr. Wint: I heard there's a farm where you can see cows and find out how cheese is made. Maybe you can... find out more about condensed milk.
Mark: Yeah!!!!!! I bet Velveeta would like to come too!!!
Mr. Wint: Who?
Mark: You know, my new girlfriend!!!!
Mr. Wint: Oh, yes. Sadly.
Mark: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
SCENE 3: THE FARM
Guide: And here are... the cows.
Mark: Can I milk it?
Guide: Sorry, but only the workers can.
Velveeta: Do they moo?
Guide: Sometimes.
Mark: Cows, cows, cows! I love cows! Cows and cows and cows!!!!!!!
Velveeta: They are fabulous!
Mark: FABULOUS COWS!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA! (Kisses cow)
Guide: Some people...
SCENE 4: VELVEETA'S CAR
("I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry comes on)
Mark: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY GOT THE WORDS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Velveeta: EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! It goes like this:
Both: I kissed a cow and I liked it....
SCENE 5: MARK'S HOUSE
Mr. Wint: (Knocks on door) Hello? Mark? Anybody home? (opens door)
There is a huge pile of blankets on the kitchen floor. Mark pokes his head out.
Mark: Go away. I'm going into hiding.
Mr. Wint: Why?
Mark: Because cows have four stomachs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Wint: And that's a problem because...
Mark: I don't have four intestines!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Wint: WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT?
Mark: Well, I'm going to try to grow a fourth.
Mr. Wint: Humans only have two!
Mark: Maybe you do... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Phone rings)
Nina: Hello?
Caller: Hello. May I talk to Mr. Concord Wint?
Nina: No. (hangs up)
(Mr. Wint's cell phone rings)
Mr. Wint: Hello?
Caller: Mr. Concord Wint?
Mr. Wint: Yes, this is Concord?
Caller: This is the Peterborough Police Department. We are calling concerning the welfare of Mark Demento. He claims to be a friend of yours.
Mr. Wint: Yes, I am a witness. Wait- that's what you were calling about, right?
Caller: Actually, we would think it's best for you to check in on Mark about once a week, to make sure he doesn't cause any damage to himself or anything else.
Mr. Wint: OK. I'm fine with that.
Caller: Thank you. Oh, and make sure he's not sneaking into anyone's houses. We just got a report from a mother who thinks that he's crawling through their doggy door at night to eat rotten apples with her daughter.
SCENE 2- MARK'S HOUSE
Mr. Wint knocks on door.
Mark: Oh good, you're here. You were running a little late.
Mr. Wint: How do know?
Mark: Well, you see, one of the phones in my house is connected to your line, and one is connected to mine. So now I can listen to your phone conversations! HAHAHAHAHA! Did you know Grace's friend is having trouble with her boyfriend?
Mr. Wint: OK, that's creepy.
Mark: Want something to eat? Or drink? Or something that's both?
Mr. Wint: Both?
Mark: It's genius!!!!!
Mr. Wint: Well, what is it?
Mark: It's... CONDENSED MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dumps a can of condensed milk on his head)
Mr. Wint: I'm good, thanks.
Mark: Aww....
Mr. Wint: I heard there's a farm where you can see cows and find out how cheese is made. Maybe you can... find out more about condensed milk.
Mark: Yeah!!!!!! I bet Velveeta would like to come too!!!
Mr. Wint: Who?
Mark: You know, my new girlfriend!!!!
Mr. Wint: Oh, yes. Sadly.
Mark: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
SCENE 3: THE FARM
Guide: And here are... the cows.
Mark: Can I milk it?
Guide: Sorry, but only the workers can.
Velveeta: Do they moo?
Guide: Sometimes.
Mark: Cows, cows, cows! I love cows! Cows and cows and cows!!!!!!!
Velveeta: They are fabulous!
Mark: FABULOUS COWS!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA! (Kisses cow)
Guide: Some people...
SCENE 4: VELVEETA'S CAR
("I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry comes on)
Mark: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY GOT THE WORDS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Velveeta: EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! It goes like this:
Both: I kissed a cow and I liked it....
SCENE 5: MARK'S HOUSE
Mr. Wint: (Knocks on door) Hello? Mark? Anybody home? (opens door)
There is a huge pile of blankets on the kitchen floor. Mark pokes his head out.
Mark: Go away. I'm going into hiding.
Mr. Wint: Why?
Mark: Because cows have four stomachs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Wint: And that's a problem because...
Mark: I don't have four intestines!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Wint: WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT?
Mark: Well, I'm going to try to grow a fourth.
Mr. Wint: Humans only have two!
Mark: Maybe you do... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mark Story #5 Let's Go to the Beach... by Hope Samoa
WORK IN PROGRESS.... PLEASE BE PATIENT!!!
*Phone rings*
Nina: Hello?
Caller: Hey, cowgirl.
Nina: Go away. *hangs up*
*Mr. Wint's cell phone rings*
Mr. Wint: Hello?
Caller: Hey, cowboy!
Mr. Wint: Mark, what do you want?
Mark: I just got promoted!
Mr. WInt: Mark,you're a janitor.
Mark: Well, the other janitor quit, so I got promoted to cleaning all the bathrooms at the airport!
Mr. Wint: I see.
Mark: And I won a raffle!
Mr. Wint: Cool. For what?
Mark: Three plane tickets to Hawaii!
*Phone rings*
Nina: Hello?
Caller: Hey, cowgirl.
Nina: Go away. *hangs up*
*Mr. Wint's cell phone rings*
Mr. Wint: Hello?
Caller: Hey, cowboy!
Mr. Wint: Mark, what do you want?
Mark: I just got promoted!
Mr. WInt: Mark,you're a janitor.
Mark: Well, the other janitor quit, so I got promoted to cleaning all the bathrooms at the airport!
Mr. Wint: I see.
Mark: And I won a raffle!
Mr. Wint: Cool. For what?
Mark: Three plane tickets to Hawaii!